How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
