I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
