I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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