I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
