She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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