Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
