Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
high people should be assigned attendants
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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