I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
