OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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