I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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