im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
