It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was like eating out sand paper
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Someone signed my nipple.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
