I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
