the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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