the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
