Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
