doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
