I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
