there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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