yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He better not be in your backpack
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
