So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
