that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
