just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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