I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
