whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
