I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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