Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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