Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
