Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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