happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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