they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
