He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
