How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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