Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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