Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
