Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i think im in europe. pls send help
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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