dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
