I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
