when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
