I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
