i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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