He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hippo gnu deer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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