so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
