i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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