So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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