it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
