Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
