Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
