Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
