Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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