my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
