Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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