just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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