Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
