So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
