pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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