2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
