We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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