The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
