your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
