PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
