I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
